Resiliency Tip: The Power of “I Feel”

As a coach I am very aware of language that empowers and language that disempowers.

When I hear “I am Angry” or “You are pissing me off!” it raises a red flag signifying an internal identification of anger as something that’s a part of you or something somebody has imposed on you. Neither is really true. You may feel anger but you are NOT anger. Someone can make you feel angry but it’s your triggers and internal dialog or habitual thought pattern that is messing with your happiness. The person who pissed you off served as a trigger but YOU took it from there and ran with it.

So the next time you feel angry, just notice your anger, and say to yourself, “I have just been triggered and I am feeling angry just now, but that emotion, like all others, will pass.” In this moment of anger you are vulnerable, you are a bit fragile, and you are thinking from the most primitive part of your brain. It’s like when you’ve had too many glasses of wine and you are impaired. Give yourself some time to “sober up”–breathe, smile, resist the impulse to react impulsively, forgive yourself and others as we navigate this minefield of emotions we call life.